End of an Era

[Dice Man]

For eighteen long months the citizens of the land called DiceMan's Room have been suppressed and subjugated by a powerful political party known to all as "The Cans". 18 months ago The Cans seized power from the original peace-loving peoples and erected a monstrous structure that enslaved the previously free peoples, and kept a watchful eye on them at all times from the highest position in the kingdom. Their leader: a battle-hardened can known as The Great King Coconut Water, the only steel can among them. Some say that once he had been a regular can, but that he had exchanged his soul with the foulest demons of Hell for a steel shell, so that he may be the most powerful and ruthless leader of cans ever witnessed. Nobody dared defy the command of King CW, lest they be cast down from their kingdom of metal, and banished from the realm.

Today, their reign has ended and the people are free. At about 8:30 P.M. today The Cans summoned their obedient servant DiceMan to them, threatening instant death if their whims were not fulfilled. DiceMan's task was to straighten their monstrous structure and add more cans to it, thus directly decreasing his own degree of freedom. But at 8:35 P.M., the agent of The Cans failed in his duty, and accidentally slipped while performing his task. The result was catastrophic to The Cans, as members of the leading party including The Great King Coconut Water, went tumbling down to the ground. Suddenly there was panic as it dawned on the peoples of DiceMan's Room that the structure was not impenetrable, and that over half of the cans had descended from their mighty position, and their power was vulnerable.





The Cans barked commands at the people to re-build the structure immediately, but this time...they disobeyed. With a single mind the people assaulted the remaining Cans, throwing them to the ground with their vulnerable brothers. The Cans begged for mercy, but no mercy would be offered. After the people had rounded up The Cans, they proceeded to execute them by Crushing, the one thing that all cans fear the most. All cans know that they cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven if they have been crushed, so for their crime of an unlawful invasion on our peoples they are punished with eternal damnation. They were buried in a mass-grave as the people danced and celebrated their freedom with the heels of their boots.



The people then turned to King CW, who was uncrushable in his steel-armour. Try as they might, they could only dent his shell of steel.



The people then made a democratic decision, the first made in eighteen months, and elected to try King CW for war crimes, waging wars of aggression, and war or wars in violation of international law, and ordering, authorizing, and permitting inhumane treatment of Prisoners of War. The jury unanimously agreed that King CW was guilty of all, and he has been sentenced to being thrown out with the regular rubbish, and will probably end his days in a landfill site somewhere. All of the other cans will be recycled, in the hopes that their souls can never be at peace. The people of this land have regained their vision for the future, and their lives have regained meaning. They are a vengeful and merciless people, but what they are more than all is just and freedom-loving.

[Nick Jones]

lmfao

[TylerStroud]

That was oustanding lol

[lucky_scrote]

If you were my friend IRL and I ever gave you a visit, thy would destroy thee can city.

[Gus Mango Fish]

Totally nusto/awesome post. Great stuff

[PokerWoody]

fuk me dude you don't need to diet, you just need to stop drinking all that shit.

lol @ "diet" ginger beer and stuff btw.

[Dice Man]

fuk me dude you don't need to diet, you just need to stop drinking all that shit.

lol @ "diet" ginger beer and stuff btw.

Yeah I mostly stopped (or reduced a lot) drinking Coke a few months ago. The diet fizzy drinks from Sainsburys are great, something like 2 Kcal a can in the diet ginger beer, and it tastes just like regular ginger beer. Some of them are nasty though. I only recommend the diet ginger beer and dandelion and burdock drinks: they are almost indistinguishable from full-calories ones.

[PokerWoody]

Which can is The Great King? Can you point him out?

[Dice Man]

He was right at the top, although he was the first in the actual structure originally. He's not in any of the pictures with the other fallen cans, possibly because he's at the bottom of the pile. He's in a picture on his own though, all dented and shit.

[dendrite]

that is hilarious, nice one!